Over the last 10 years, I have been subjecting all of you to my writing. It started when I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. For whatever reason, I had a need to share what I was feeling. I was a Christian man with a progressive degenerative disease. I discovered that being sick was lonely. I thought if I shared my journey, I could keep whoever would read my posts up to date with me even when I couldn’t leave my house. I also thought I may be able to help someone going through a challenge like this. Up until a few days ago, I thought my desire to write was from God and that I would be able to help others even as my abilities waned.
I was wrong.
Much of what I wrote was reflecting my growing belief that miracles and healings are a thing of the past. I believed God was limited by Adam and Eve turning the Earth over to Satan when they disobeyed. Jesus came to Earth, died and rose again to bridge the gap between God and man that was created by the fall. God used healing and miracles to certify Jesus and establish the new church. Once the church was established, healings and miracles became rare. Jesus had saved us, but mankind, ( including Christians, ) were still subject to the consequences of the fall and this fallen world. Included in the consequences were sickness and injury. I found a strange comfort in believing even if God was hindered from healing me here on Earth, at least I would be healed when I got to heaven.
Then last Sunday at church, my Pastor said something at the end of his message that made me mad. He said ” If you wait until you get to heaven to get your answer, it’s not on God, it’s on you.” With those few words, I started to question much of what I had written over the last number of years. I told Marcia after the service how that phrase had ticked me off. I tried to think it away, but I couldn’t.
A couple of days later, I was sitting in my man-cave typing on my computer when a new text message came up on my screen. It was from Marcia. I could tell by the title it was a link to a video on healing. She and I have had some pretty strong discussions about healing and our views differed greatly. It had gotten to the point that she was afraid to mention healing to me, fearing my reaction. I had settled the issue in my mind and I didn’t want her reminding me about my not being healed. She had sent me things before and I hadn’t reacted well. But I decided to watch the video this time. An hour later I found myself questioning all my conclusions about healing and miracles. As I reviewed all I had written over the last few years, I was convicted by my easy answers, views and opinions that I had put out there. I was wrong. I had found an escape clause to my having to trust God and having the faith to believe for my healing and acting on that faith. Yes, as I write this, I still feel the Parkinson’s. In fact, in the last couple of days it’s gotten worse. But I think for the first time, I can see myself healed. I don’t know when it will happen, but I believe God has used my Pastor and my wife to plant the seed of healing in my mind and in my spirit. I did believe God could use me with Parkinson’s disease. Now I can see Him using me without it.
In Philippians 3:13 it says,” Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.”
I have written some stupid things in the past. My prayer is that no one has gone down the wrong path because of something I have said. Please, disregard what I have written in the past regarding healing and miracles. I am looking forward to sharing my journey of healing with you.
I would be honored if you would continue to travel this journey with me. It feels like I have come to a fork in the road. If I were to take one road I would continue down the path where healings and miracles are rare and I would more than likely live the rest of my life with Parkinson’s disease until I reach heaven where I will be healed. If I take the other path, I believe I will find healing and be able to live the rest of my life free of the disease and heaven will still be my destination. This road looks less traveled but I believe it’s the right road. Let’s take it!